Coming of age
Gathering the years over time
redressing the innocence
becoming less like a child and more like death
inevitable meanderings trap and pull
into well-worn tracks
we become like everyone else
and less like ourselves
Wise beyond our years
improvisation is a circulated falsehood
a mythological ideology created from nothing
a belief I nothing creates an emptiness
this illness of life kills the presence of the soul
disjointed thoughts make you forget
remember to forget yourself
The coming of age
brings so much and very little
the laughter mocks the tears of frustration
the sobs ridicule the waves of happiness
tender is the touch which pounds the flesh
the physical slap makes things real
remember to make life real.
The same blood
You can be red raw and still sing your song
You can have tears in your eyes and still tell your story.
The truth is where the tale lies
You cannot or should not wait to share it.
The emotion will help you to connect with others
Because everyone can see,
understand and communicate
with feelings
So don’t be afraid to bleed onto the page.
We all have the same blood in our veins.
Nothing goes to waste
Everything serves a purpose
ain’t anything going to waste.
A tear is love which doesn’t know
where to go, it had to come out
or else you would drown.
A beating heart, filled with unrequited regret
is your big soul expressing itself
remember we are made of light
and its got to shine
whether you want it or not
we can’t resist all of this love
sometimes it hurts, we ache for it
we cry for it, it won’t be denied.
None of it is wasted because it is
where we come from
and from whence
we return.
5-second book review: Don Miguel Ruiz
5-second book review: The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
This fascinating book about spirituality and philosophy is based on the knowledge handed down by the Toltecs, an ancient southern Mexican nation dedicated to conserving their ancestral wisdom.
The Toltec is not a religion; instead, it honours specific universal truths that certain spiritual masters have taught and passed on to future generations.
The four agreements describe a rule that encapsulates a way of life that encourages happiness and love.
This simple and down to earth look written by Don Miguel Ruiz is an oral history which encourages a life of authenticity with a frank acknowledgement of human spirituality while not being clouded by the distractions of complex modern life.
This is the kind of book you should use as a reference to reread, meditate upon and follow when you feel overwhelmed and lost in life. It pulls you back from distractions and helps you keep yourself centred if you are distracted.
The four agreements help you realise how much noise and distraction there is in the exterior world. It addresses significant issues like human perception, life purpose and death. The four agreements are designed to help us navigate the perils of life; it's an essential guide on how to lead a more simple, authentic and happy life.
The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Not only in the sense of not breaking promises but also about being aware of the power of words and how they can affect you and those around you. Your utterings contain energy and the correct use of your focus which should be in the direction of truth and love.
The second agreement is not to take anything personally. Taking things too personally is an expression of ego. The way people act and what they say is never about you. There is always another reason behind what people do, and it has nothing to do with us, so don't set yourself up for suffering.
The third agreement is not to make any assumptions. Communication is essential; we should never assume something. If you don't understand, ask. Have the courage to ask and find your voice to ask for what you want.
The fourth agreement is always to do your best. Your best will vary depending on your energy level or stage in life. But the most important thing is to be taking action. Don't expect to be rewarded; instead, take action because you love and enjoy every activity you do. When you do your best, you learn to accept yourself and learn from your mistakes.
Apart from these four agreements or steps to follow in life, Don Miguel Ruiz also gives us many practical examples and methods to help us stay on this enlightened path.
It seems to be an oversimplified kind of spirituality, but these four agreements can take a lifetime to understand and master.
Ruiz has dedicated his life to sharing his unique blend of ancient wisdom and modern-day awareness through his book, which is a reference we should keep close to us as a helping hand through life.
A bit of grief
I know a bit of grief.
It's the moment you realise
you cannot go back on your steps
to make it better
or say I love you again
see someone's face every day,
hear their laugh, trace the outline of their smile,
hold their hand or hug them.
When you learn what it feels like to run out of time.
No more silent pauses in conversations
seeing them across the table,
passing the salad bowl at dinner.
All of those moments you take for granted
stop in your mind,
they are gathered up in memories
and the grieving begins.
I've learnt grief isn't bad,
it's all we have, really,
for our tears are our love
which used to go out
towards those we love.
After they are gone, it has nowhere to go,
so our unexpressed love
becomes our grief.
And as our passion is as undying,
as our mourning.
This strange sadness will never leave
not until our dying days.
It comes over us in the most unlikely moments
in the tiny flickers of memories
the flutter of butterflies
a microscopic movement is enough the overcome us.
Sometimes it's like a tap that
we need to open to let the pressure out.
But mostly, grief is a dark veil that wraps around
our hope, our happiness and faith
and covers our organs which
find they have an extra weight to carry
the resistance makes it harder to breathe
love and move forward when we don't
want to.
It may seem ironic
but I hope we never
stop grieving
because it keeps our
dearly departed near us.
Life doesn't stop
when someone dies,
it merely shifts
and changes into another
gear and somehow
we live with it.
Nothing to know about grief
The thing about losing something
is that there is nothing to know.
It's an emotion that takes hold of you
pushes you around like a bully that doesn't let up.
You put up with it, let it bleed you dry,
cry yourself to sleep until it loses its strength.
And then you can push it under you, into your heart
Occasionally it will bubble up, making you vomit emotions.
Eventually, it will become a part of you
reminding you how capable you are of love
and how love never really leaves you.
Beyond Myself
Oh artist, please paint me
I'm desperate to be immortalised
not because I want to be remembered
I'm happy to be forgotten
but because I want to leap out of the page
through my own words
into another's heart
to connect.
To gaze into another's soul.
Through a time beyond myself.
The stuff of cemeteries
When life becomes a thing of cold hard marble.
When your touch feels the chill
of placing your hand on a tomb.
Searching for warmth and another's touch
when nothing is left but the emptiness of absence.
That is when grief is in your heart.
The chill remains with you every day
I was lucky to have you,
hold you.
Be in your company because this moment is
ever so brief and precious.
You can never hold onto anything
just the love in our hearts
which echoes and reverberates through
bereaved souls.
When things become the stuff of cemeteries and funerals
when the touch of cold marble tombstones
are little consolation against the heat of fresh grief.
When death falls all around you
then that is the time to stop and breathe
hold onto the ones you love
it is impossible to say goodbye
so make memories
search out happiness and
follow what gives you the spark
which is life itself.
Don’t box me in
Except the unexpected
because I'm bursting with ideas
and I'm going to do it all.
So insanely talented,
yet terrified to do anything,
destined to be nothing
but a frustrated artist
too busy watching Youtube
scrolling Instagram and playing
Candy Crush,
brainwashed into wasting time.
Soul crushed by comparison.
Why bother trying when
is it all taken away from you in the end?
I’ve had better days
There have been better days than now,
felt less lost and confused
not so sad or deflated
I wish for one of those
better days instead of smack
bang in one of the worst ones.
Nothing going right
love went to waste
efforts all worthless
and so, so far away
from everyone I love.
The hurt comes in tears
that bastard blows up in
your face,
whether you like it or not
that emotion's going to come
knock you over and make you
I wish for better days.
They will come; be patient.
The same blood
You can be red raw and still sing your song.
You can have tears in your eyes and still tell your story.
The truth is where the tale lies.
You cannot or should not wait to share it.
The emotion will help you to connect to others.
Because everyone can see you
understand and communicate
with feelings.
So don’t be afraid to bleed onto the page
we all have the same blood in our veins.
Thrive
I have given birth to monstrosities
to atrocities filled with insurmountable deformities,
who died horrible, merited deaths as they never
deserved to be born.
I have birthed many rapturous angels who went straight to heaven
too beautiful for this world,
too innocent to survive.
I have killed hundreds, no thousands of my babies,
not because I’m a murderer, but because
they needed to be stronger
I have been re-incarnated after every disappointment
I pushed myself beyond the sluggishness of grief
and dusted off the ashes after the inquisitions
burnt me at the stake.
I’m a tired old ageless phoenix.
I thrive despite it all,
I reinvent myself
endless times over, revive my fading spirit
because my soul comes from a tough line,
from those who outlived their conquerors
from those who have lived despite the misery
created happiness from empty nothing
I stand upon the stepping stones
my ancestors have left behind for me
I never lose my way and keep moving
along with my self designated path
I thrive on spiting life.
Choosing to honour
Don't honour the famous and wealthy grey-haired film stars and businessmen
they are too comfortable and aren't struggling
they don't need honouring, they have found success and comfort.
We need to honour those who are living with struggles greater than themselves
and who do so without complaint.
I honour the single mother trying to make it to the end of the month
with five dollars in her pocket, working double shifts,
trying to feed her babies.
I honour the refugees whose homeland has been blown to pieces
Who have no choice but to leave behind their whole world and have to start their lives over.
I honour the army veterans who returned home broken people, used up by the army
unable to readjust, with trauma
limping through their lives, marching onto
oblivion without thanks or acknowledgement of their sacrifices.
I honour the bereaved parent who has suffered through the unnatural act of burying their child
or children.
The mother's and father's of adult children torn away at their prime, adolescents who show so much promise, children, newborns or those who never knew anything but the womb.
God only knows how they continue to breathe even though they have lost their best parts.
I honour the creative who keeps creating for the love of it.
For every artist who succeeds, hundreds will never be appreciated, published, seen or listened to.
For every criticism, self-sabotage may there be many who breakthrough
and lift every other artist.
I honour the sons and daughters who care for infirm parents.
Just as they were cared for, now the old become children again.
That they may have the same patience and love that every good mother is blessed with.
For every survivor, whose broken heart keeps beating.
Anyone who has a soul weighed down with trauma.
I honour their strength and pray for forgiveness while shifting the burden of their memories.
I honour abandoned children and those who help them to learn to trust again.
I honour the queer and gender-fluid, whoever have suffered through hate, self-loathing and toxic relationships
All lost souls who have been treated without dignity or as outcasts.
To all who have found love and acceptance despite everything, they have been through.
Those who have survived violence, illness and alienation.
Above all, I honour those who have not survived.
I remember you, I see you, I feel you in my heart.
Love overcomes adversity because love is love is love.
Who do you honour?
Self-inflicted
Everything creative is filled with self-inflicted torture and doubt.
We do it because once it's done there is something which exists beyond ourselves.
Creativity speaks to everyone at the same time.
A universal language connecting everyone to one another.
To remind us we all essentially go through the same struggles.
Blew you a kiss
I blew you a kiss even though I wanted to give you a real one.
I turned around and walked away.
Heartbroken.
I wish you’d followed me.
I never wanted to hurt you, but I think I did.
I was so stupid and naive, I never saw you.
Actually I thought you didn’t like me.
It is frightening to bare your heart,
declare your feelings.
Most people are afraid
when it comes to big feelings.
Was I really that intimidating?
Couldn’t you have said something.
Why was I so blind?
Why did I have to fuck up my life so much?
Now we are so far from one another.
I don’t know if I can pull myself out of the hole I’ve dug.
I need to get out of this pit because no one is coming to rescue me.
And you don’t even know how much I ache for you.
I’m surely damned.
Talking to myself
I prefer talking to myself rather than talking about other people.
It's nice to see others doing well, but the rest of someone's life is none of my business.
Gossip is the home of people who do too little and criticise too much.
That little green-eyed monster
filled with venomous envy
leave it in its own poison.
It's best to avoid talking about others.
I converse with myself, pen and paper or fingers and keyboard
a tête-à-tête with lense and aperture or paint and brush.
An opinion expressed to the full is the most fulfilling
element to life,
completing thoughts that steadily tick over in the mind
these are the things that interest me.
Tangled
Sometimes I get tangled up with everyday life.
One fine, straight cotton thread becomes entwined
around my family, work, children and economic situation.
Once it was easy to thread a needle and get to work as I please
now the loop is twisted and turned upon itself around others
and then back to me.
The more I try to pull away from it the tighter it becomes.
Like those poor sea lions and marine animals caught up in plastic
fishing lines cutting into their own skin
around mouths, restricting movement until they starve to death
Could I cut myself out?
What would be left of me?
The thread is cutting off chunks of flesh
surely there won't be much of myself left
the tangle is too tight to be unthread.
Only one resolution
I'm not big on New Year's resolutions but this year I've decided simply to do a little more of what I've been doing so far.
I don't like resolutions, I prefer goals. I can get many little goals done during the year rather than a big, scary and impossible life-changing idea. Breaking things down into healthy daily, weekly and monthly routines is the best way to go. Keep working and making things everyday and you will see the results.
I've promised myself to do more writing, more creativity, more self care, to be more present for my family and friends.
We've just got to keep on keeping on through all the tribulations and challenges of life.
The only real resolution we all have to keep in mind is the one of simply being. All we can really do is be ourselves, be whatever we need to keep going, be the things we need for ourselves, our friends, family and the world.
So on this first month of the year, I wish for you to simply be whatever you need right now.
Love and light