Thrive

I have given birth to monstrosities

to atrocities filled with insurmountable deformities,

who died horrible, merited deaths as they never

deserved to be born.

I have birthed many rapturous angels who went straight to heaven

too beautiful for this world,

too innocent to survive.

I have killed hundreds, no thousands of my babies,

not because I’m a murderer, but because

they needed to be stronger

I have been re-incarnated after every disappointment

I pushed myself beyond the sluggishness of grief

and dusted off the ashes after the inquisitions

burnt me at the stake.

I’m a tired old ageless phoenix.

I thrive despite it all,

I reinvent myself

endless times over, revive my fading spirit

because my soul comes from a tough line,

from those who outlived their conquerors

from those who have lived despite the misery

created happiness from empty nothing

I stand upon the stepping stones

my ancestors have left behind for me

I never lose my way and keep moving

along with my self designated path

I thrive on spiting life.

Why do you write?

 I write because I can't help myself

it's an itch I must scratch

a craving I want to satisfy

I'd be lost without words

my companions on this journey.

As I read, I need to write,

my mind ticks over at many beats a minute

the brain overflows onto the page

despite the torturous process of giving

my thoughts some logical sense

we are as irrational as hypertext

leaping from one idea to the next

faster than thought, to hand, to page.

Still, I insist on putting pen to paper

I tenaciously grip my pen

even if I have a hundred incomplete ideas

who are all screaming for my attention

submerging myself into my thoughts

it is my meditation

a prayer I say to myself every day

to remind me to be true,

to exist despite every heartbreak.

Words come out from the ether

as if my grey matter is filled

to the brim

with a vocabulary

which needs to be liberated

the words would suffocate themselves

if I didn't write them on the page.

Writing saves my life.